It’s important to check in with your special someone on a consistent basis. Without giving space to go deeper, think quietly, journal your thoughts, and connect, you are missing important time that allows you to meet your partner in their joys and life challenges.

So, what are the questions and how do you implement that time?

The Three Questions

1. What was challenging?

2. What was joyful?

3. What do you want more of next month?

How to Implement Check-In Time

If you live your life via Google Calendar like we do, schedule it in. If you use other tools like Facebook Messenger’s new schedule a time function, use that. The goal is to integrate your couple’s time into what works for you, your workflow. We even have friends that plan their time around every new moon.

Once you have your scheduled time, think about what medium makes sense to create an environment that allows you to be completely open with each other. Sometimes we like to take walks and we find that it allows us to talk openly while still having privacy. Sometimes we journal in our apartment or in a park and write down our thoughts before sharing, allowing ourselves to reflect in an introverted way instead of socially discussing in a normal conversation flow. When we do this we also give space for the other person to talk without interruption until they are done. Then we thank each other and ask questions, or move on to the next question.

You don’t have to be perfect, but the goal is to give yourselves space to understand each other in a deeper, more dedicated way. That undivided attention will allow things to bubble up that you didn’t even know were there. Your thoughts and emotions are subtle things and tuning into them and each other will help you find exactly what you were looking for.